i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
