You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
