Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
