i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This baby is an asshole
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
