was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
