i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
