I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
