i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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