So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
