yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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