That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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