we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
