I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
