I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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