Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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