I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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