We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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