Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
