she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this will be a night to untag.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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