i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
