look no pants
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
