Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
