after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
