i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
