White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this boner is exhausting
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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