Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
