Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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