my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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