So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
