Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
