I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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