if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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