i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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