Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
