I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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