Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
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never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....