I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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