Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much