Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to make out with him forever
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?