You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!