He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
