It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson