brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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