Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
