he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
