Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
