I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
