Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
