My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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