That's when you crack a 10am beer
babies were throwing up all over the place
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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