The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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