i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
