saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize