only you would photoshop your dick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
