FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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