She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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