Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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