I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
