Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Have you finally orgasmed yet?

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  (630): Have you finally orgasmed yet? http://tfl.nu/pxlw
  Replies (4) Good night (778) Bad night (1376)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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  (305): I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B http://tfl.nu/epjn
  Replies (35) Good night (1118) Bad night (3460)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm that good.

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  (720): Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time. (970): I'm that good. http://tfl.nu/qp5j
  Replies (5) Good night (4181) Bad night (545)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.

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  (812): A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time. http://tfl.nu/hpfk
  Replies (38) Good night (5192) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

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  (425): It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down. http://tfl.nu/xg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (5754) Bad night (1859)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.

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  (518): Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend. http://tfl.nu/xnkx
  Replies (8) Good night (811) Bad night (1239)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted

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  (540): I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted http://tfl.nu/dbr2
  Replies (6) Good night (1230) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.

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  (845): Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible. http://tfl.nu/r0ag
  Replies (6) Good night (847) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.

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  (856): Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox. http://tfl.nu/almc
  Replies (18) Good night (1979) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.

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  (303): Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair. http://tfl.nu/ft15
  Replies (5) Good night (779) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby

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  (709): Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby http://tfl.nu/4vtj
  Replies (1) Good night (1107) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!

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  (928): I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night! http://tfl.nu/vne9
  Replies (0) Good night (1051) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN

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  (574): LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN http://tfl.nu/j386
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.

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  (212): My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon. http://tfl.nu/pnvy
  Replies (3) Good night (513) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Did you offer her some?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  If only. Current status: Not that clever.

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  (330): Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully. (440): Did you offer her some? (330): If only. Current status: Not that clever. http://tfl.nu/au9g
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (283)

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