I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT