I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
