One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
