You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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