Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
