I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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