I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We had to coat check the pizza.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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