his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
