how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
