Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
